Thoughts from the car wash

**I wrote this while the nice men were washing my car, and I was sitting in it watching them. Also the photo above is not my car, but it is an accurate representation of what I have to deal with every Saturday** 

Every week I have to park my car under the shittiest, most well fed birds who live in a tree, they do giant piles of well fed (NW London birds, they get stuffed with fancy food by the old rich ladies!) poop all over my lovely car, and I have no choice but to park under the tree where they live because of the resident permit bays. So every week I have to clean my car, every Saturday, unless I shoot the birds so that they can't do it any more, which would be a bit cruel... although it has crossed my mind... maybe a regular air horn would scare them off?

I know it shouldn't annoy me that much, but there is one thing that is almost more irritating than the giant berry filled shits.

At least one person a week feels the need to point out the giant poo which is the size of a cowpat on my car, and then they feel the need to inform me of how it will corrode my paintwork if I leave it there.

I smile along and say "yes I know" like no-one has fucking told me that before! I deal with it every week! I don't leave it there! I have no choice most of the week or I'd be cleaning it every bloody day! I'm sick of having to explain myself, like I'm some dirty mong who enjoys driving around with shit all over the car. So fuck off with your paintwork corroding, I know alright? There's nothing I can do!!!!

Rant done.

I needed that. If you see shit on my car, please don't point it out. It pisses me off!

XXX